same trip. entirely different experience. the job and the company made all the difference.
certain things that happened in thailand should stay in thailand. but some things i wanna share.
like my first thai foot massage. the girl doing my feet had to be younger than me. well she definitely looked the youngest in the place. i felt bad when she started coz she was really slim and it seemed like a lot of work for someone of her build. but she was good. thought i was only in for a foot massage... but she went higher than i expected, if you catch my drift. (don't worry. still a clean massage.) even went on to give me a back massage. "lucky i did some pullups" i thought. wonder if it made a difference. i could definitely get used to massages. wonder if they let you choose your masseur...
anyway, time alone with the fart machine has definitely allowed us to let each other in a little more. but i still believe that when we're from entirely different worlds, all we can be are useful companions to one another. friends of convenience rather than choice.
i can't change the circumstances under which i've been brought up. but i'm sure i can for my own children. the question is whether i wanna do it the easy way, or the hard way. whether i wanna sacrifice my happiness so they can more easily strive for theirs. the power of choice - that's all i've been chasing. and now that i have it, i've got to use it. i don't know why. but it feels like i've already chosen. but i know there's still time.
i wanna be selfless. but what do i have to do?
